Midwife: With Woman

                                   Midwife: With Woman

When I started Motheroots in 1995 I had no idea about the extraordinary path it would lead me on as a mother and a social worker. I have been reflecting on the impact of bearing witness to losses, infertility, traumas, joys, transformations, and deep connections.

In Portland, we are incredibly lucky to have such an amazing amount of perinatal support. This includes yoga teachers,  chiropractors, acupuncturists, doctors, perinatologists, doulas, lactation support, loss groups, postpartum groups, and midwives. The number of these services has grown exponentially over the years. Unfortunately, many of these services are not available to all people. There is increasing attention about this disparity for low income, LGBTQ, and people of color.  We have a long way to go so that all people can access services.

 I currently see many midwives in my clinical practice. I am struck by how they are holding life in the midst of this pandemic. I searched the etymology of the word midwife and found it meant,” with woman”. The word “with” is perfect for what they do. In even the most traumatic and difficult births, women feel cared for when they feel their support people are with them. It is apparent that when women feel deeply listened to it impacts their birth experience.

During this pandemic working with these extraordinary midwives has been a privilege. Midwives have experienced daily changes that impact the way they work with women. They have been furloughed, separated from their teams, are apart from their families, and are called on to endure extended hours often with a decrease in pay. Midwives are abruptly sent to new clinics where they must learn new protocols and procedures.

Midwives are now able to wear PPE, and though this is critical and necessary, this protection is making it much more challenging to be with women during their labor. Touch is a primary form of connection for midwives and this physical distance is yet another loss. Midwives are adjusting and seeing how they can now touch hearts with just their eyes. The midwives  I see are so filled with love, sorrow, anger, joy, life, and death. Listening to these women is awe-inspiring. Like a beautiful poem or a tender song, I am changed by hearing their stories in ways I cannot explain. These women show incredible dedication and heart wisdom.

These frontline heroes are holding the sadness and joys of our world in their eyes, I can see and feel it even through the electronic devices I am using in my work. Midwives are finding new ways to be with woman, bringing new life into our communities.

Corona Games for Teens

Here is a great game developed by Brooke and her teenage friends who live in Portland, Oregon.

They developed this game to inspire one another to be creative in their stay at home time. It is a great way to stay connected and build resilience in the Covid-19 times.Description: The corona games is a list of over 200 things that can be done without coming within 6 feet of anyone outside of your household. The competition aspect is completely optional, but anyone is welcome to participate. If you want to join the competition, add your name to the top and use that column to check off everything you’ve done since March 18th. If you’re unable to complete a task for a legit reason (ex. If you feel something will be bad for your mental health, or you can’t spend money right now) that’s totally understandable, just fill the box with red and you can still get points for the task. Feel free to invite your friends too. 

https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1RqK9O13lz7-5codea3rLMjNKWIrYlesIdzOA24EtU4M/edit?ts=5ea09891 - gid=1828220224

Finding Joy

  My clients have been such wonderful teachers to me over many years and particularly now during this coronavirus virus crisis. The resilience of our human spirit has inspired me as I have known and been witness to deep suffering--the loss of a child, accidents, abuse, and many other types of traumas. This pandemic is particularly challenging for parents trying to manage their own anxiety and keep their children occupied and soothed. Critical thoughts, comparisons with others and unrealistic expectations will invariably lead to increased distress. 

   Last week I spoke with a client who was feeling judgmental about his parenting and very shaken. We spoke about tools and ways he had worked on the trauma he initially came into treatment to address. In the following session this same client told me about going to the park with his children. The park had all play equipment closed off. He knew the kids would be disappointed to not be able to climb and swing as they usually did at the park.  My client had thought ahead and dressed the children in full galoshes and rain gear. The children spent a joyous time in the mud, making mud pies with delight and playfulness. Watching his children grow muddier by the moment, my client was reminded of the words of Vietnamese teacher, Ticht Nacht Han: “No mud No Lotus.”

  Flexibility, curiosity, compassion, acceptance help us all when we are living with such uncertainty.  In counseling this client worked on those qualities which helped him heal and find more ease in his life. Now, the fruits of his efforts for his personal trauma are serving him.

  When we are stressed, we can regress. When we feel fear, we can revert to our trauma brain and the fight, flight and freeze response.  When we pause, find the ground, breathe, settle, and nourish ourselves we can see more clearly. We all need one another now more than ever, reach out for support and give it out. Together we can blossom like a lotus.

A Gentle Inventory in Uncertain Times

These days I am meditating regularly with 2 teachers I have deep respect for. I was reminded of the importance of the basics of life, especially during times of transition. We regress in times of stress. Judgment is not helpful, but awareness brings an opportunity for a shift towards more nourishment and care.

You might consider inquiring.

Am I sleeping enough, too much?

 Am I eating in ways that nourish my body?

Am I having too much or to little alone time?

Am I finding good connections with others?

Am I moving my body?

 Am I listening or reading too much news?

 Am I drinking/smoking too much?

 Am I creating or taking in art, music, poetry?

 What are my daily rituals for wellness?

May we remember gratitude, prayer, self-compassion, mindfulness, nature, and laughter.

When re-correct the course of our activities even in small ways, we can feel more grounded and supported.

A wonderful post from washington about nourishment of body mind and spirirt for moms

http://myemail.constantcontact.com/Dec-2016-newsletter--Self-Care-Your-Way.html?soid=1101630122017&aid=aj4-Ib7od8Q#fblike

It Takes A Village

It takes a village to raise a mom. A village that reminds us mothering is valuable, sacred and challenging. A village that teaches us to nourish ourselves, feed our souls, and let go of the belief that mothers should always be sacrificing. We need a village to teach us compassion for our partners, our children, and ourselves. 

Isolation is a major problem for many mothers I see in counseling. Self -judgment, and fear of not being accepted keep some women from reaching out towards others. The relief I see as women develop their interests, find kindred spirits, and give and receive support is amazing. We are indeed all creating a more supportive and caring village.

I have been in a mom’s group for 19 years now, and as my children have grown I know that I can call these women to ask for advice, support, or comfort when I need it The connection that women create in our community is critical to our well being as mothers, and to our planet. The more we speak, listen and support one another, the stronger and healthier we all become.

"The remedy for hard silences about crucial matters seems so simple: When you are together, in one place, be together truly. Tell your troubles, your confusions. Without answers, you can still be together in the search. You must be reckless." -Kim Stafford